Masturbation Olympian

I was diagnosed with the flu on Friday. Yes, I had a flu shot prior. Yes, I am on Tamiflu. Saturday my fever reached 102 and I am lying on my marble bathroom floor trying to get my feverish skin to accept the cold from the floor. 

In my somewhat delusional state I began thinking about what a train wreck I must look like. This girly girl always matches but that went out the window as I alternated between burning up and freezing my ass off. I gave a chuckle that happened to come out as I was coughing so I sounded like Mumbly from the Laff-a-Lympics.  I don’t know why but I started thinking about Olympics and being good at something.  I snickered thinking that the thing I would win would be the Masturbation Olympics. 

The next day my fever broke and I had time to think back on some of my more fever induced thoughts and revisited the Masturbation Olympics and what would the categories be?

Most masturbations in an hour? It could be heats like swimming but instead of meters it could be 1 hour, 2 hours, 24 hours (the endurance heat). What about those people who can take it right to the edge…. And stop? I call those people nut jobs because I have ZERO willpower and cannot imagine purposefully denying myself. Truthfully I could do the 24 hour event and not only be on the podium but I would take the gold and possibly set a record. Hence why self denial is not my strong suit but it shouldn’t prevent others from claiming Olympic victories! Power to those people and their self denying ways! 

I can hear the commentators now…..

“Bob, do you think Jackson will be able to deny himself one more orgasm?”

“Lou he has surpassed everyone but Canada and Bosnia at this stage. I think we will see one of these three contenders cum soon. There is no way they can last another round.”

“OH MY GOD! Bosnia has once again pulled back at the last second! America and Canada have a real mess on their hands!”


I will blame it on the fever but deep down know I am just a pervert. Not sorry. 

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