Bisexual women are the crux of the problem

Sometimes I read things and feel enough succinct points were made that maybe I need to reexamine my beliefs or viewpoints. I strongly believe that by not discussing things we will never find solutions. But I am frankly tired of talking about guns. Is it the Republicans’ fault for telling everyone that the evil liberals are coming for their guns? Maybe. Is it the Democrats fault for not having a realistic plan that doesn’t acknowledge you can convert half these guns with modifications, therefore not grasping something more concise is needed? Perhaps. But I would like to offer a third villain in this. Blame it on the bisexual women. That’s right folks, the bisexual women are why we have a major gun crisis in the country. As a bisexual woman I am doing some rogue investigative reporting on this but we shall keep this between us alright?

Maybe YOU are worried about an illegal immigrant breaking into your home and stealing your Playstation but I worry going to public events and scan the crowds for 20 something-year-old white American males who look like they have never been outside and have bad haircuts. It is a pretty consistent profile on these mass shootings. Why so angry? Bisexual women are stealing their women. That’s right, it isn’t even Chad taking the “entitled pussy” away. It is that bisexual temptress Daphne! 

Granted we have a major advantage. We are women. Not only do we know how women think and know (typically) what to say but we have the added advantage of being self-aware. The first time we have sex with another woman we come with the advantage we have had our own pussy to practice on for our whole lives! That is hard to compete with. Now maybe we all can’t orally please ourselves but we know where to touch and how a well-placed hook of a finger feels when her walls are tightening etc. 

Recently I was out partying out of town with some friends. I decided to leave earlier and was going to walk back to the hotel. As I was leaving a woman who had talked to me a few times throughout the night stopped me. She told me the tall, Chad looking muscled guy standing beside her wanted her to go home with him. What did I think she should do? I looked him over then back at her. She was 5’9, thin but defined muscles, long brown hair and later I learned she was 24. “Well you could go home with him or you could leave with me.” She licked her lips and told him goodbye. We had a fun night in my hotel room. When it was time for her to leave there wasn’t even that awkward suggestion we should exchange numbers. We both had had several orgasms but knew we wouldn’t be seeing one another again because of proximity. Daphne’s come with the added advantage of being realistic. “This was fun, the sex was great, and have a nice life.” I stole a younger woman away from a Chad! I am your real enemy Angry White 20 something Male! 

So in 2 hours, tonight, this Wednesday or maybe we can make it a week when Angry Male shoots up another place we have a new scapegoat. Everyone can collectively sigh that mental health wasn’t the issue, nor the guns or bullets, nor rhetoric or sensationalism, but those damn Daphne’s.

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